ya dads aren't the best wingmen
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
