im holly from the hills drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
