Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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