hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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