He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
