But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
