My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
