Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
