i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
