i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
