Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize