well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
