They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
