Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
