I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
