i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
