I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize