I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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