I heard we made out
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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