I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
