We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
