toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
