12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
