I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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