If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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