shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
