Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
