im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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