I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
