i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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