i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
