it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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