just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize