I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
