College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
