so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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