Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
