Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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