come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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