i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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