bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We had to coat check the pizza.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize