There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
