Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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