hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
