I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
