filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
