I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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