i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
where are you?
Hypothermia
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize