oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
