This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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