i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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