the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
