I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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