I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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