I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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