the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
