I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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