also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
