he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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