dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
