Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
