My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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