All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
