How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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